Chance's Weekend Update: 1/25/2009

Chance's Weekend Update: 1/25/2009

"If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there."

-Lewis Carroll

The (my) world is changing fast...I get emails on my phone, iTunes automatically creates playlists that go great with the song I am listening to, and I drive really slow now. This is kind of big for me because I used to check my email once a week, only listen to Nirvana, and cruise at 95mph on the interstate. Mind you, when I say slow, I am not talking speed limit slow...I actually try to coast as much as possible to keep my MPG bar pegged at 100, so there at times when I drop to as much as 20 under...especially when it is hilly. That is beside the point though, my weekend is over already and I didn't even get to play with my legos...damn I am getting old. Anyways:

Some things that don't suck:

First Stem Cell Study Approved, Ten patients who have recently suffered from spinal cord injuries leaving them completely paralyzed have a remarkable opportunity which was unavailable to them until literally this last week. The results will not be known for some time, but in lab environments stem cells have been shown to regrow damaged nerve cells--which is awesome news for those first ten people...and hopefully a lot more down the line.

Prank Wars, Amir (from Jake and Amir) and one of his coworkers from Collegehumor.com have been in an ongoing prank war for almost a year now. I have watched a couple of them on YouTube, and they have been escaladingly mean...but this last one really took the cake. It was a sweet way to hopefully end this thing and probably his friend's relationship.

Dock-N-Talk, ditch your expensive and rarely used land line for this cell phone docking station that allows calls to ring through your existing home phones. Your cell phone can connect physically with a cord or automatically through blue tooth whenever you are in range. To be clear, you can also place calls from your wireless home phones and the answering machine will still work...but only when your cell phone is docked.

The Cubs and Wrigley Field Sold, The 25 year Chicago native and founder of Ameritrade picked up the Cubs at the sweet discount price of $900 Million (estimated value of over $1 Billion this past summer). Even though he clearly inherited all of the problems associated with a cursed team and an antiquated ballpark, I am very glad to see the friendly confines pass into the hands of a loyal fan rather than some random corporate sponsor. But hopefully some people wont be happy with that and I will move up a couple of spots on the season ticket wait list (I still haven't cracked 37,000).

Jake Winder, Even though I graduated last year I am still very pumped that a North Central Pole Vaulter is the number 1 ranked vaulter in the country. I watched him in action a couple of weekends ago at the Alumni Meet and it was pretty intense, so I am looking forward to Indoor Nationals when he takes it to the rest of the country.

Ground Zero, Choose a location on google maps, choose your weapon, and this "mapplet" will show you the thermal damage associated with the blast.

Very Short List, is an email that I have been getting once a day for a couple of months now...most of the time it goes directly to the trash, but every now there are some really interesting things in it. As the name of the newsletter gives away...it is a very short list: only one item per day.

Some things that do:

Season Ticket Wait list Conspiracy, (see the comment above about my spot on the Cubs season ticket wait list). Last year when I checked my spot on the list I was sitting just above 37,000 which was odd because I was sure that when I got on the list I was somewhere around 34,000 but maybe I am just going crazy. As any concerned party might do, I sent an email, and was offered some 9-game package that I could buy at discount...hush money. But when I logged in today--to double check that I hadn't dipped below my claimed 37,000--and I found that I was sitting 45,667 place in line, now I knew I wasn't crazy...I was crazy pissed. This is bullshit, I kind of thought that the concept of a wait list was similar to that of a line--starting at the back and working your way forward to your desired destination. This is my third year on the list and I have slipped nearly 12,000 spots. I am going to get some answers on this--I will keep you posted.

Peanut butter recalled, while this may not be of much consequence to some people...peanut butter is a major component of my diet so when I recently heard about the salmonella outbreak I was both saddened and concerned. There is some silver lining to the tarnished peanut butter story though....Girl Scout Cookies are safe!!!

Illinois Governor nominated to NOBEL PEACE PRIZE, Even though Ex-Governor Ryan is sitting in jail for selling a CDL that directly led to a family burning to death in a car accident, a University of Illinois Professor felt the need to nominate him for the Nobel Peace Prize...for the sixth time.

Blago Hired Drew Peterson's PR firm, is planning on skipping his impeachment trial, and will be on the View tomorrow, All of these things separately blow my mind but all together is beyond comprehension. First of all...why the hell does a police officer from Bollingbrook who has killed two of his wives need a PR firm? Second, what could a PR firm possibly do to help our Governor? and finally... the View instead of your IMPEACHMENT TRIAL??

Twitter is contributing to the end of all meaningful relationships...instead of calling your friends or meeting up for meaningful conversation, we can just check our twitter timeline and read their recent one to two sentence updates. It is pretty much a distilled facebook that is yet to be picked up on corporate web filters...but I have been hearing a lot about it (and Facebook tried to buy them)so I started an account to see what it is all about...feel free to follow my updates throughout the next week or until I forget about it....my username is randomharrier

Until Next time,
-Chance Kelch

Chance's Weekend Update: 1/18/2009

"In the 1960s, NASA astronauts discovered that their pens did not work in zero gravity. So like good engineers, they went to work and designed a wonder pen. It worked upside down. It worked in vacuum. It worked in zero gravity. It even worked underwater! And it only cost a million dollars!
The crafty Russians used a pencil"

-Urban / Internet Legend , the frugal side of me laughs at this anecdote while the more fun side of me looks the other way whistling...because I own a pen that can write upside down, survive being dropped out of an airplane, and even break the windows out of a car.

I was hoping to use the above quote to kick off some kind of over-processing metaphor to segue into my opposition of the continued economic stimulus packages, but in doing my due diligence on the story I found that it was only a myth (click the link underneath to read the details). The moral shouldn't be overlooked though. Consider this: Something like 97% of a car's power output is used in moving its own weight. Someone figured out that every 100 lbs you eliminate can save between 2-4% in efficiency. Instead of the fairly obvious solution (the pencil) of making really lightweight cars which wouldn't need a huge heavy engine to get it moving, a large transmission to handle to torque of the engine, a 200lb breaking system to slow it down, or a 15-gallon fuel tank, the best automotive accomplishment in recent history has been the hybrid car (the space pen)...that allows us to drag all 2000lbs of the previously mentioned dead weight with us wherever we go...only now in a slightly more efficient way. Anyways...I had to cut out a lot this week's info otherwise it would take you hours to sift through it all, but there is still a ton here, I always seem run into an information overload when I take a weekend off or read magazines on a flight...enjoy:

Some things that don't suck:

Crash Proof Cars, I will file this one under: "I wish I had this last weekend". The 2010 Volvo S60 will be equipted with a collision detection system to warn you of fast approaching objects and if neccesary take full control of your braking system--allowing you to look at your directions and slam into a stopped truck at a stoplight in St louis...

The XO Laptop, The XO is a highly effective learning tool designed and built especially for children in developing countries, living in some of the most remote environments. For starters, it's about the size of a small textbook and made with a rugged plastic exterior. It has built-in wireless and a unique screen that works in full color or black and white to make it readable under direct sunlight. And finally it's ultra-low power using only about 4 watts (most laptops use about 40 watts). This means, when there's no electricity, it can be recharged through alternate power sources like solar power. The company has been working hard over the past 3 years to significantly reduce the price and hence availability, it is a pretty sweet foundation.

BookCrossing, I love books and own a lot of them...which doesnt really make sense because all they do is sit on my shelf. This website has a "read and release" policy where you literally put an ID tag on your book and hide it somewhere. You then register its location on the website and other members can go read it, then release it somewhere else. You can track your book's journey or search for other books to read yourself.

Cheat Sheet, This is a quick way to be "that guy" aka the number one source for all of the current happenings in the world. In a nutshell, the authors of Cheat Sheet put together a short list of your need-to-know news articles for the day. Visit their website when needed or subscribe to their newletter if you have a serious information addiction.

Couchsurfing, this community of free places to sleep is for the truly cheap at heart. Most countries and major cities are represented, become a member yourself and allow strangers to crash in your basement or simple use the free service to save some money on your next adventure. As an experiment, I searched the city I stayed in this past weekend and there were 3 registered couchsurfers...one even had a letter of recommendation.

Blago's lawyers jump ship, After comparing the upcoming impeachment trial to a lynching and citing a lack of preparation time, the governor's head lawyers (a father-son team) decided that it was time to jump ship. Shortly thereafter, Edward Genson, another prominent Chicago lawyer decided to sit this one out--convincing a jury that R Kelly didn't really piss on a 15 year old girl even though there is a video was one thing, but convincing the state that Gov. Chipmunk is innocent is apparently way out of his league.

Girls Gone Wild's CEO Joe Francis and HUSTLER's publisher Larry Flynt ask Congress for bailout, I don't care who you are, this is funny. Clearly they are not expecting the money, or even need it. They are just raising that question that nobody has thought of yet...where does the gravy train line stop? Why do the automakers and bankers get all of this money and the local grocery and retail storefronts are left out to dry? This is classic Flynt, circa 1999.[2]. If you are lost I will refresh your memory--there was a presidential witch trial going on--Clinton being the witch (Bill this time), and all of the congressmen were ready with torches and pitchforks. That is of course until Larry Flynt ran a full page ad in the Washington Post with a hot line number offering up to $1 million for "documentary evidence of illicit sexual relations" with a member of Congress or other high-ranking government official. Several weeks and probably thousands of hours of political commentary later, the 82-page Flynt Report was released.

Some things that do:

The Temperature. (note: I am writing this from Houston, TX where I was just swimming outside earlier tonight...this "-39 degree wind chill in Chicago" is just a rumor I am choosing to pass along)

PackBot, This one is right out of the movies...and its manufacturer is literally iRobot. There are more than 2000 of them being used in the middle east...the scary part is that they have just recently armed them...somebody call Will Smith.

Illegal Taxes from our other super corrupt politician, times are tough for city governments...especially when they have to follow federal laws. Until recently, all Chicago residents with satellite television service were going to be looking at a 9% luxury tax from the city on top of their current bill--mailed and collected separately of course. This creative revenue stream for the city was quickly shot down after lawyers from Direct TV and Dish informed the Mayor Daley that they could not volunteer their subscriber information--thus the tax is unenforceable...

Until Next time,
-Chance Kelch