Chance's Weekend Update: 03/30/2008

Chance's Weekend Update: 03/30/2008

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

Will Rogers

This past week was a very exciting one in the news, and I feel bad that I left a lot of good stuff out because I do not want to fill your inbox with a novel each Monday. In a nutshell, winter is winding down, interesting innovations are springing up all over the place, the economy is falling apart--but not as bad as everyone is making it seem, and the election garbage is getting stale...so what better time to play games, take up a cause, and read some actual news. Also if you are near Naperville Tuesday, the owners of Saracco (everyone's favorite white wine--Moscato D'asti) will be having a wine tasting at Binny's on Ogden. With so much going on, I am actually getting back to reading right now...so enjoy:

Some things that don't suck:

Traveler's IQ, a little over three years ago I was quoted as saying "hello Facebook, goodbye GPA" and now that they have added this application to the mix I am very fortunate that I have a light class load to carry through the end of the year...The way the game works is that there is a world map, and a name of a city or place will pop up...you have 10 seconds to click somewhere on the map and then depending on how fast you were / how close you were, you will be given some points. If you accumulate enough points to get the the next level you get to continue, if not--you feel like an idiot and you play the game for the rest of the weekend. My Traveler's IQ is 102 and climbing--I really need to learn my African nations though.

FLUGTAG is coming back to CHICAGO!!!, what will you be doing in September? If you are not building a flying machine to jump off of Navy Pier with then you need to reconsider your plans...




Awareness, I think I am typically pretty aware of my surroundings, especially when driving--I can usually pick out a cop from a 1/2 mile away--but then again I do miss exits all the time. Why? well according to these guys, we miss things that we are not looking for...how aware are you? Take the test.

Earth Hour, For one hour this past Saturday (in each time zone that is) everyone shut off their lights. Well not everyone, namely Google, most of the Chicago skyline, and a couple of people who took the time to figure out why Google was all black. It was a pretty sweet idea to save power--and now it a pretty popular once a year thing. I already signed up to get an email reminding me about it for next year.

100 MPG, forget the Prius, the Avion "achieved 103.7 mpg on a drive from Mexico to Canada in 1986--a time when no one really cared" and as recent tests are showing 114mpg at 55mph. Pretty sweet, but still very 1980s...seriously though, the newest thing that I see on their website is from 1988...someone needs to look into this.

'Save Wrigley', The Cubs are all set to open up their soon to be Word Championship season tomorrow, and if you tune in, you will see fans all over sporting these sweet 'Save Wrigley' teeshirts in protest of Sam Zell selling the naming rights. Now you could show your support by going online and purchasing one for $14.99, or you could save some cash and do what I did, write a limerick expressing your feelings on the situation and submit it to the Sun-Times by next Friday at 11:59pm. Top 100 get a tee-shirt. Good luck to all.

Stealing from a sinking ship, apparently with all of the fears of job security the CTA is having some trouble keeping its drivers. So they are upping the ante, "Starting pay for this position is $17.46 per hour with the potential to increase to $26.86 per hour." That is pretty good money for a bus driver...and they need 400...at least until the state stops paying their bills.

Space Tourism, Well now that we know we can effectively shoot things down from orbit, we are ready to start the tours! There are actually two companies in the test flight stages of commercial space vehicles--which is pretty awesome. Flights open to the public could be available as early as 2010.

Self Destructing Flash Drive, in an age where we can carry around a library's worth of knowledge on a key chain, it is good that somebody finally developed some security more in depth than your dog's name followed by your birth date. The 'Iron Key' will erase its memory and fill itself with epoxy after 10 incorrect password attempts to prevent both physical and virtual access to your sensitive data. Awesome.

Del.icio.us, I know the name seems weird--but this web service is amazing. You simply create an account and then instead of bookmarking your favorite sites in your browser, you bookmark them through del.icio.us, and then the website creates lists of the hottest items of the day based on what people are looking at. On top of that you can use their search, which sometimes can find those diamonds in the rough that do not generate enough traffic to ever come up on a Google query.

Some things that do:

Accidentally sending nuclear weapon parts to Taiwan, and not figuring it out for two years...it is okay now though, it has all been returned...and luckily this time they were only the fuses to the warhead and nothing more sensitive. But seriously...

Forced Fiscal Responsibility, over the past couple of years, Wall Street firms have been getting a little greedy--amplifying their profits by playing with borrowed money, and buying up a huge amount of risky assets--only this time (unlike the late 90's) it bit them in the ass. Their situation is being pulled south by the crumbling housing market so Uncle Sam is stepping in with some new rules (the first major regulation change since the Great Depression) which is expected to be announced Monday--so hold on to your hats. What I do like about this plan is that it will probably keep people/companies from making illogical decisions--potentially saving billions of dollars in a downturn. What I do not like about this is that strict regulation could cut off the ability for an informed investor to make significant jumps during a bull market run--so even though this may be spun as a nice safety net by the various candidates, I see it as killing off a little bit of the excitement of the unregulated hedge market sector.

Myspace "Douche Bags", Katie heard about this website on the radio the other day...it is kind of like those services that take the license plate numbers of guys that pick up prostitutes--only this is for social networking sites...so maybe next time these people will think twice about posting ridiculous pictures of themselves online.

1 in 10 Americans think that Obama is Muslim, On top of all the other misinformation flying around the internet...this is the best example that I have seen thus far. There are only three candidates left, it really does not take that long to find out a little bit about each of them--just take a moment and type their names into Google. Once you scratch beyond the basic information like race and gender it might be a good idea to take a peak at their stance on important issues. For starters, check out social security, universal heath care, oh and this too: Awesome editorial in last Friday's Trib.


Until Next time,
-Chance Kelch

Chance's Weekend Update: 03/23/2008

Chance's Weekend Update: The Lost Episode

"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful."

Gautama Siddharta

Well I didn't die, but I am thankful to be feeling better...but for clarification, I did not intentionally skip sending out an update last weekend in celebration of the North Central College Spring Break. In fact. there were a number of factors working against me; first being that I spent part of the week in Ada, OH which is still years away from electricity and indoor plumbing. And the next big one was that I got hit hard with the flu. While I briefly considered grabbing a newspaper crawling to the computer, I quickly reconsidered and settled back into my schedule of laying around making moaning noises between my naps. I am all better now though, but thanks for all of the emails of concern--of where your update was (not of my health). Again I apologize, but on a positive note I have got all kinds of material for a huge two week special here. **I am sending this out on Saturday (3/22) because I am going to be moving back into school tomorrow and will potentially be too busy to send this out later. This is pretty long so I hope that it will quench your thirst until next week, I just wanted to make it clear that I will NOT be sending out an extra newsletter to make up for the one that I missed.** Now on to the good stuff, but first...


A Timely Side Note:
I love Easter--not so much for the religious aspect--the hook for me comes mostly in the form of Cadbury Eggs and Easter Parties. There is really nothing better for me than a cream filled chocolate egg...except for maybe an accompanying "Robin Egg" (also known as a 'Whopper' in its more traditional round form) or Peep. The only problem for me comes as an annually ignored question which Wikipedia will finally help me answer. Why a bunny for Easter? and further why does it lay eggs? Well interestingly enough the Easter Bunny was brought to the United States via German immigrants but its roots are much deeper. According to popular folklore, Eostre--the ancient pagan goddess of the spring, pronounced "Easter"-- once saved a bird whose wings had frozen during the winter by turning it into a rabbit. Because the rabbit had once been a bird, it could still lay eggs, and that rabbit became the modern Easter Bunny--a symbol of both spring and fertility. Tada, the most celebrated icon of a sacred Christian holiday is Pagan....

Some things that don't suck:

Hulu, a web service similar to YouTube where we can LEGALLY watch all of our favorite TV shows and movies without searching all over the internet through shady websites and pop ups. It is about time...but between this and March Madness I do not see the GDP gaining an inch this month.

Smoque BBQ, It is in Chicago and on the Food Network...if you haven't heard of it yet, you will. This is no Top Chef shop, it was started by 5 regular guys who love food and their popularity is growing by the day...maybe they will eventually get a liquor license too, but for now it is BYOB. If you are in the area get on on the new thing while its still new...

BrickArms, is your Lego set boring? Maybe you should add some weapons...

The YouTube Awards, The winners of the 12 categories including: music, sports, comedy, instructional, short film, inspirational, commentary, creative, politics, series, eyewitness and adorable were announced this past Friday after hundreds of videos had been nominated and millions logged in to cast their votes. My personal favorite is the 'eyewitness' from Africa where a baby Water Buffalo gets attacked by lions then during that attack gets bit by an alligator, and then its entire herd attacks the predators while it WALKS AWAY.

Mind Controlled Video Games, I'll be honest, this is pretty insane. A step up from the Wii in terms of technology, later this year video games could be released that are controlled by our brainwaves via a sensor that the user would wear on their head. A step down from the Wii physically, kids are going to get really fat.



The Nike Trash Talk, Ingeniously, the Nike Trash Talk ($100; April 2008) features an upper that's made of leather pieces collected from the factory floor, the mid-sole uses scrap foam, and the outsole uses less toxic rubber and incorporates Nike Grind material from outsole manufacturing waste. A nice step in the green direction, and it still looks very cool.

100 years of Cars, this is a nice visual time line of the century that has elapsed since 1908 when the first Model T rolled off the assemble lines at Ford. Here is another sweet one which explains the current state of world currencies in the relative terms of Starbucks coffee. If you like what you are seeing, check out the next item.

Good Magazine, The magazine carries the theme of freedom, innovation, and environmental responsibility and gains a bit more credence by contributing 100% of your subscription payment to the nonprofit of your choice

Some things that do:

Hilary can be President because she stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night, and that is literally all she has got going for her according to 11,000 pages of schedules documenting her 8 years of "experience" shaking hands and taking pictures with girl scouts and florists.

The Kindle sold out in 5 1/2 Hours, the very sweet e-book device from amazon sold out almost instantly thanks mostly to my endorsement. The internet sales giant has orders backed up at least 6 weeks, but posted a very nice letter of thanks to customers on their home page. I understand if they are too busy to send a formal letter of thanks.

SEC Rule 10b5-1, which conveniently allows high wealth executives to schedule potential trade plans within a wide range of time, and then if presented with unfavorable insider information they can cancel the trade without consequence from the SEC because there was no actual illegal transaction. Why does this matter? Because the public does not have access to the information helping executives dodge portfolio busting Wall Street land mines and that is not fair. Want more dirt? Check out WikiLeaks.org

Chicago Curfew, While this is not of consequence for most people that I know, I am sure that it is annoying for a huge number of Chicago Minors. If they are on the streets after 10pm on a weeknight or 11pm on a weekend and NOT coming home from a church function, political rally, or an errand for a parent then they can be issued a citation.

Second Hand Fat, This is the first time that I have read about someone dying of someone else's "morbid obesity". A prudent mother in La Joya, TX needed a babysitter and she chose her bedridden relative. Unfortunately for her two year old son, the relative was not quite as bed ridden as everyone thought...and the child was crushed to death.


Until Next time,
-Chance Kelch

Chance's Weekend Update: 03/09/2008

"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it."

Pablo Picasso

This week was an exciting week for random stuff! There was so much going on that I even let a lot of actual news fall through the cracks. I offset the lack of quality news with mixed in old stories which were awesome. I hope you enjoy, because I really did. Anyways, thanks again for all of the feedback!

Some things that don't suck:

Running a Marathon at 101 years old, "You are never too old to do what you enjoy." And Buster Martin likes running, "but not as much as I like my beer," he added. If that wasn't odd enough, he actually drinks a pint and smokes a cigarette at about the half way point of each run. Besides running he is in a rock band and stays up late. He sounds like a pretty cool old man to me, but does have one regret in his great life; not having more children--he only had 17.

A topless charity run (content warning), a great way for a woman to get someone's attention is to take off her shirt...intuitively a great way for a breast cancer charity group to get a lot of people's attention was to hold a topless race--I love it. Forget 'Race for the Cure' or the 'Avon Three Day' we need to get this thing going in the Illinois. I will start things off by pledging $1 to each woman who completes any charity race of her choosing the way that nature wanted it to be run--just submit a finishing photo and a time for me to post on a Cancer Awareness Blog.

Human Giant, This is a new comedy group that convinced MTV to give them a show...their skits rank from over the top hilarious to distastefully offensive gut busting. The video that I have linked is preparing me for the possible dangers of camping. You can find their videos all over YouTube, but I also posted a couple of my favorites to a simple Tumblr feed.

Super Cook, this is a website where you enter all of the ingredients that you have available in your kitchen at the moment and it returns a list of recipes broken into categories of 'starters', 'entries', and 'desert'. This could save potentially save a lot of time, and even mix up your standard menu a little. On a similar note, SaveChicago.org is "a high-tech, up-to-the-minute, on sale inventory of local goods and services - AND - we split our ad revenue with non-profit organizations." or in other words, an easy way to find sales.

Frank Lloyd Wright, his house designs are amazing and inspiring. And up to this point one could only peer into his works via photograph or the occasional 30 minute tour...but now you can rent them for between $135-350 a night to explore all of the details at your leisure. Sweet.

KILLDOZER, I think the the name says enough...but I guess I could fill in some of the details. First of all, Martin Heemeyer was mad at city hall for a zoning dispute involving his muffler business. Second, he owned a bulldozer. And third, he had just the right amount of knowledge and crazy to layer cement and steel plating into a composite skin over a foot thick. He guided the vehicle with the use of video cameras encased in bulletproof glass, and just for good measure he added a couple of holes that he could shoot his hunting rifle through. KD-Day occurred June 4th, 2004 when he drove the dozer out through the wall of his garage and went on his slow motion rampage resulting in $4 million dollars worth of damage spread out over 13 properties including City Hall, the local newspaper, the home of a former judge, and pretty much anyone else he didn't like. The day ultimately ended on his terms, considering that there was nothing anyone could do to stop him--three external explosions and over 200 rounds of firearm ammunition fired at the bulldozer had no effect. The national guard was actually on standby for an air assault when he ended his own life with a bullet to the head--it took the local Granby, CO police department over 12 hours to cut through his hatch with a blowtorch and recover the body.



Not being cold EVER, I just want to not be freezing on morning run, Wim Hof ran a half marathon in Alaska with no shoes or a shirt. I want to climb Longs Peak in June but am a little tentative because of the ice...Wim Hof climbed most of the way up Mt. Everest wearing only running shorts. There is also long list of crazy things that he can do that arguably exceed the mountain thing...so check it out, it is nuts.

Some things that do:

The Cubs Playing at the Cell, Don't worry north siders I think if we car pool in rusty cars we might blend in enough to avoid immediate robbery, but then once we get inside there is always the danger that the stadium could collapse...I mean nobody ever planned for what could happen if all the seats were filled.....JUST KIDDING KATIE AND HER WHOLE FAMILY...I am sure things will be fine--and at least someone will be winning games at U.S. Cellular....

Brett Favre retiring, after 17 seasons...this is the worst thing to happen to Green Bay, WI since being founded by a Frenchman wearing a silk dress, never mind...Besides being a Bears fan, I am a huge Brett Favre fan. It kind of sucks that he wont be playing anymore, but at least he will have time to take advantage of all his AARP benefits now.

Cameras that see through clothing, Besides being a potential "Cancer Death Ray" while peering through your clothing at a range of 80 feet, this technology seems very 1984 to me. I do see the positive impact of these devices in deterring concealed weapons--much like all of the new traffic light cameras in the Chicagoland area have been cutting down the running of red lights (see next). And I would prefer to walk under a camera at the airport rather than the current practice of taking off my shoes, belt, and possible getting a pat down--so maybe it doesn't suck THAT bad--but I am way too into privacy and way against Big Brother to ever be fully on board.

Intersection cameras, 220 more to be exact. So instead of crossing your fingers as you floor it for that yellow, open your wallet. It'll cost you a cold $100 and if think you can play off that the camera got the wrong guy--just check out the 12 second video of your moving violation available online. Mayor Daley shot down the hope of posted signs warning of the cameras with the reasoning that it would cut into the red light revenue stream; which is expected to swell to nearly $50 Millions this year.

Stupid People, if you don't want to spend time in a courthouse for jury duty, here's a little tip: Don't make a bomb threat instead. Dupage County Police traced the call and arrested Toby Owhoka at her home

Airborne doesn't really do anything, for the past 3 years, every time that I feel a cold coming on I will go down to Walgreen's to pick up a nice little sleeve of dissolving Airborne tablets "invented by a school teacher" which to boost my immune system and prevent the onset of the cold. Looking back I really should have known better--teachers are typically not recreational pharmacists and even with Oprah's endorsement we should have all been a bit more skeptical...but if you kept your receipts you can get a refund.


Until Next time,
-Chance Kelch

Chance's Weekend Update: 03/02/2008

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult."

E.B. White

I spoke way too soon last week when I was all about Sam Zell his changes at the Tribune, while his actions may be good business, they are not good Chicago business--and that is why he is pretty much leading the way for things that suck this week. In other news, I am just so excited to have another week of "wintry mix" ahead of me...but seriously, winter will be over soon. Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow on Groundhog's Day, so that means that we have less than two weeks of this garbage left! Also, I apologized in advance for all the extra links I added, I was going a little nuts this week. Anyways, here goes for the week that was:

Some things that don't suck:

The Kindle, unlike reading from a computer screen--which can get very tiring--the "electronic ink" display supposedly reads nearly the same as a printed page . Unlike a printed page, this slim and trim device is wirelessly connected to free newspaper, magazine, and blog feeds. Plus amazon.com,
where you can purchase and download a full book directly to the memory in less than a minute. Pretty sweet device for people who like to read, but do not like to carry around a bunk of books.



Getting an iPhone from your school. Thats right, Abilene Christian University in Texas is giving an iPhone to each incoming freshman because they had added some applications that they believe will be very helpful for students (and for their enrollment). Besides having your schedule, meal plan balance, and directions to classes right at your fingertips, students will now also have unlimited access to games, the internet, and youtube to keep them busy during class...

Knowing what you are talking about, with election anticipation building by the day, it is becoming easier and easier to spot the village idiot. They are either speaking vaguely about something they overheard from someone else, or they are incorrectly explaining what is included in fair trade and/or national health care and why it is perfect / ignorant. If you do not want to be "that guy" then follow the link to read a brief summary of what the primary candidates believe about a couple of token hot topics.

Tesla Roadster, I have mentioned this car before...But I really do not get sick of talking about it. Powered by 3500 laptop batteries, it goes 0-60 in 4 seconds, with 220 miles on a single charge. ON TOP of all that, it looks awesome. And I want it one--trouble is that they start at $98,000 and there is a pretty deep wait list. (not unlike my 38,700th on the Cubs season ticket waitlist)

Sidewalk Picasso, I first heard about Julian Beever a couple of months ago, but I stumbled across this video again and figured that it might just blow your mind...so I needed to share it.

Building Card Castles, is another one of my favorite things to do when I can't play with Legos, labyrinth, or DX-Ball. This guy outclasses me roughly a million fold. My personal best is the standard pyramid with seven little pyramids as a base. I am not sure how many total cards that is, but it was far short of his 22,000 that he used to build a replica of the Capitol Building.

Some things that do:

Blind faith in technology, "But GPS voice, I am not driving a train...this is only a rental car...okay, fine." :::BANG::: :::SMASH::: :::CRUNCH::: This is an oldie but a goodie. A computer consultant literally let his GPS system guide his car right onto the tracks--he got out just in time to not get slammed into by a Metro train at 60 mph--its too bad though, he could have won a Darwin Award. This incident did get me thinking though...maybe this technology has more potential than we thought before. If enough people start following these things around blindly, they isn't it possible that the satellites could control routes enough so that there would never be a traffic jam? Maybe you take a longer way to work now and then but now it would be in the interest of the greater good.

Sam Zell, I am officially off the Tribune Hype train...and the moment that I fell off was when I read in the Sun-Times (and yes I realize the bias) that good ole billionaire Sammy wants to sell not only the Cubs (thats fine...bring on Mark Cuban) but also the naming rights to Wrigley Field (that is not alright). I am now going to subscribe to the Sun--even though its pretty mediocre--and Mr. Zell...trust your GPS, I hear they are great.

Shooting missiles at the moon. I knew that the whole satellite thing was a just going to be opening a can of worms, and sure enough now we are going to be shooting down the moon. But wait, we have scientific reasons for launching a $79 Million dollar missile at the moon--we are looking for water!. #1 I will personally show anyone from NASA where the ocean is for a fraction of the cost, and #2 Just because you have a reason doesn't mean it is right...click.

"Pole Tax", I feel like this is the Stamp Act all over again...only a the "clear platform shoe and g-string party" would probably be more entertaining than the Boston Tea Party...but really, ask yourself if its fair to tax the guys who are about to walk in and drop nearly a week's pay on 12 dollar drinks and two minute dances? On the bright side, a lot of the money we pay out in political salaries will find its way back into the system...

Until Next time,
-Chance Kelch