Chance's Weekend Update: 01/27/2008

"Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it."

Lou Holtz

There are few things I love more than January. Sorry, what I meant to say is that there are a few things that I love more than January. Namely, all of the rest of the months. So many great things are so far away...Christmas, My Birthday, the fall, the sun...I guess what I am really trying to say is...I am cold, and that is why I spent so much time napping in my nice warm bed this week. I was even a little worried that I would be short on material for the update, but I am fortunate that a couple of enthusiasts took the liberty to email me things that they noticed throughout the week, so thanks again to them. In other news, the mailing list is growing...and that is kind of exciting, so if you would like to share CWU with anyone else feel free to forward it and then they could send me an email if they want to be added permanently. Thanks again for all of the feedback.

Some things that don't suck:

Sam Zell, the new owner of the Tribune, sent out an email to all employees this past Tuesday after learning that there had been a filter on their internet access. In short the filter was immediately removed and Mr Zell added "You are now exposed to the dangers of You Tube and Facebook. Please use your best judgment." Awesome, I am glad to see a trustworthy news source that is against censorship :::cough--Rupert Murdoch--cough:::

SSC Ultimate Aero, I love fast cars...this car just set the record for world's fastest production car after averaging just over 256mph on a 2.5 mile stretch of highway...in case that kind of speed is a bit too abstract for you--the 2.5 mile stretch only took 35 SECONDS!!! So for just over $600,000 you can take home a street-legal American made car with nearly 1200 hp, an in-dash navigation system, and a back-up camera.

The Super Bowl Economy, the twisted world of Super Bowl advertising is probably the only place where 2.7 million dollars for 30-seconds of air time seems like a fair deal. I personally want in on that deal, and that is why this past August while touring the University of Phoenix stadium (home of this year's Super Bowl) I took the liberty of writing down the phone number to the phone on the wall in the middle of the visiting team locker room. How much are you willing to pay to share your half-time opinion with the team? I'll be waiting....

My School isn't on this list. A list of the top five most expensive schools in the world that is...unfortunately, it is pretty close... Do not let the sticker shock get to you though, because almost nobody really pays that. This past week I even discussed the issue with North Central College President Hal Wilde, who told me that on average students pay 60% of the quoted price, and something like 90% of students get a financial aid package. So why the big price in the first place? why not was pretty much the best answer that I could get...some people like the prestige of going to an exclusive or expensive private school, and more than that, people love to get huge scholarships. If you have a huge tuition, then academic scholarships of a certain percentage seem all the more significant.

Fighting, According to a study released this past week by the folks at WebMD, couples who expressed their anger openly rather than holding it in live longer healthier lives. As a supplement to this research consider the Oxygen show 'Snapped'. Now in its 6th season, this show chronicles the true stories of women who at some point decided--out of nowhere--that it would be best to murder their husbands. That adds some weight to the scale when considering if it is worth it or not to dodge the argument.

Getting Anything You Want, in the "Age of Entitlement" that we live in today it seems as if everybody knows what they want, but are quickly disappointed when their dreams do not materialize in front of them automatically. The process of goal setting is simple and powerful, this little article is a great way to outline it for those nonbelievers out there.

Delilah Says Yes, The Plain White T's Grammy Nominated hit song "Hey There Delilah" was originally written to impress Delilah DiCrescenzo...but it didn't work and he was left without a date. Now five years later she said yes when invited to attend the Grammy's with lead singer Tom Higgenson.

Some things that do:

The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, in a stroke of pure genius, issued an extremely broad patent last Monday which basically encompassed any mobile device with removable storage and internet connectivity. Exactly one minute after the patent was official, "Apple, Nokia, RIM, Sprint, ATT, HP, Motorola, Helio, HTC, Sony Ericsson, UTStarcomm, Samsung and a bunch of others" were all sued.

Losing $7.2 Billion Dollars. Whoops...Basically a 31-year old futures trader who was involved in arbitrage for the bank--the process of buying up financial positions in one market, and selling them at a premium in another--stopped selling. He wasn't supposed to do this, he actually took advantage of his knowledge of the bank controls to ensure that he wouldn't get caught as he built up huge favorable positions (reaching a max of $76.3 billion). I am not really sure what his exit strategy was for cashing out, but a combination of terrible timing and violating the rules that are there for a reason caused the enormous loss listed above by the time the smoke settled.

Scientology, I am all for freedom of religion...but a group of hackers calling themselves "Anonymous" believes that the Church of Scientology is a large scale pyramid scheme using its power and influence to control new sources and silence anyone who stands in their way. Because of this they have "vowed" to "systematically dismantle the Church of Scientology in its present form" and so far they are winning...and I find that Hilarious--with a capital H.

All Out World War would be terrible, but discussing who would win in a US versus Everybody match is pretty entertaining. So much so that I spent nearly 30 minutes reading the discussion, and the only reason this link is in this section is because of the amount of time it will steal from your day.


Until Next time,
-Chance Kelch

Chance's Weekend Update - 01/20/2008

"If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough"

Mario Andretti

This past week was a decently exciting one in the world of news, technology, and weather. You may notice that positive stories outweighed negative ones more than 2:1 below, the cause may be that thinking happy thoughts was the only thing keeping me from freezing to the core during my -20something degree wind chill walks outside. Or more plausibly it could be that the media wants to divert our attention away from the plummeting economy, Obama's black eye (figuratively), or Gov. Blagojevich's record setting 17% approval rating (or 83% disapproval rating for you glass half full types)...But really, this was just the way the cookie crumbled. I got on a roll and there were just too many exciting things to share.

Some things that don't suck:

Do you like apples? Steve Jobs hit another home run for something like the 6th year in a row with a huge product debut during his annual keynote address. His first big announcement was delivered to him on stage in a standard size manella envelope, it was The MacAir, a 3.0 pound laptop about 3/4 of an inch thick at its highest point! Apples packed about as many features as it could into an impossibly small package which is cooler than cool. Then behind door number two was, Time Capsule , this little white box connects wirelessly (or wired) to your Apple computers, PCs, iPods, iPhones, or any other Wifi devices and backs them up automatically on its huge hard drive. If that wasn't enough, it can also act as a wireless router for your home network...how do ya' like them Apples??

Sleeping Bag Clothes, Wow...I am almost speechless...One part footed pajamas and one part Mummy Bag sleeping bags and you have got one of the sweetest innovations that I have ever seen in my life. You know how hard it is to get out of bed on a cold morning...Now you can just walk around with your bed one...Perfect!

Death and Taxes, is a large representational graph of the federal budget. The poster contains over 400 programs and departments and almost every program that receives over 200 million dollars annually. The data is straight from the president's 2008 budget request and will be debated, amended, and approved by Congress to begin the fiscal year. All of the item circles are proportional in size to their spending totals and the percentage change from 2007 is included to spot trends and disproportion. This is a handy little tool to hang on the wall to see where exactly our tax dollars are going.

Ipod Hub, a big complaint with the widespread popularity of the iPod and similar products is that they encourage solitude. Music once brought people together, either gathered up in a coffee shop or in someone's basement listening to records. But now people sit in their corners rocking out to their individualized play lists...that was at least until Belkin stepped in and came up with this hub that allows up to 5 other people to listen to your ipod at once. This idea is not a new one though, in fact we (the 2006 NCC XC team) rigged up something very similar--but far more primitive--to this with a couple of Y-splitters and a bunch of headphones during our 10 hour ride home from Nationals when Henry (the bus driver) wouldn't let us put in a movie (b/c we would be reaching over his head) while he was driving (most notably 1.5hrs in the wrong direction).

Riddle: what is "green", blue, and does 0 to 60 in 5.8 seconds? The Fisker Karma! This sexy hybrid sports sedan can travel over 50 miles on electricity alone, but can also reportedly get close to 100mpg with its gas or diesel engine. I know that "sexy hybrid" seems like a bit of an oxymoron, but it is far from that. Instead of this hybrid looking like a go kart with side skirts hiding its 13-inch rear wheels, the Fisker looks like a four-door Corvette with a Jaguar grill, and a price landing slightly between the two.

Want a Clone? Stem Cell research has been a red hot issue in politics, especially for the stubborn and ignorant. The one leg that the argument against great advancement in the treatment of cancer, Parkinson's disease, spinal cord injuries, and muscle damage stands on is that the current best source of stem cells is from a recently deceased fetus. All of that changed on Friday though, when researchers announced that they grew the first mature cloned human embryo from single skin cell taken from an adult. This does not mean that you can grow a perfect replica of yourself, all it means is that hopefully researchers can harvest stem cells from the embryos to grow replacement tissues which perfectly match your DNA.

Innovate or Die, Taking part in a contest sponsored by Specialized, the American bicycle company, and Google. One team came up with the most useful invention I have seen in a long time (sorry Segway). The Aquaduct is pedal powered vehicle that transports, filters, and stores water for the developing world. In places where water can be more than five miles away and sanitation doesn't exist, this bike offers an easy and efficient way for families to have a constant and safe source of water. Watch the video.


Some things that do:

Incest...kind of. Alright, we are literally all related to one African woman who lived about 70,000 years ago. Oh no, run and grab your bible and burn science book! Eve was black and Dinosaurs never happened...Hold on, I apologize, that was inappropriate and false. This in no way carries biblical significance. There was a study showing that near a low point in human population--near extinction levels actually--there were really only a couple of genetic family lines. Adding to that, everyone living on earth today can be traced back to one common ancestor who lived during those tough times. Cool. On a similar side note, Genghis Khan...never mind, this is better: The cigarette lighter was invented before the match....hmmmm...

Can you smell fear? Now you will...We have all heard of pheromones, they are chemicals released by animals through sweat as signals to their own kind: for sex, for territorial marking, and more. But apparently there are similar chemicals which trigger a sense of alarm, fear, terror, or even incite violence. Initial data was being collected by studying the sweat of a people right after a workout versus that same individual's sweat immediately after skydiving. We can already control the productivity and aggressiveness of bees in a lab with pheromones, just imagine what humans could do with a little 'hard work' cologne or 'hate the enemy and vote' cologne...I mean, next.

Our Votes Don't Count, in Illinois at least. Now there is some fact to this story, but take it with a grain of salt. The idea of a Representative Democracy (thats what we have) instead of a cold and hard Democracy (the ideal that we base things off) is that lets say people in New York have no idea what is going on in South Dakota or what might be the best way to govern the people there, so it makes sense that the voters in New York do not get to make decisions for the people of South Dakota. Enter the electoral college, these are the people that we believe are knowledgeable enough to make responsible decisions for New York--guided of course by public interest--with the understanding of how it could effect South Dakota.There are flaws though...the winners do not always win:



But the linked article suggests that it would be best to throw out the electoral college for a straight popular vote. And I for one think that is stupid too. The disassembly of the electoral college would change the current practice of listening to and then disregarding the interests of rural areas to completely ignoring them and throwing all campaigning efforts at large cities from the start. Now while cities are the most densely populated areas, they do not in general make decisions for the greater good, i.e. the reason why the Illinois river is brown not blue.


Until Next time,
-Chance Kelch

Chance's Weekend Update: 01/13/2008

"If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going."

Professor Irwin Corey

Happy Mid-Morning Monday Mailing list...say that three times fast,
It was my intension to send out my weekend update last night before bed, but for a number of reasons I decided that it would be best to wait until this morning to send out a mass mailing. I apologize to you, your employer, and possibly your professors, I am sure that by now the suspense must be killing you--In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you haven't gotten a thing done today--and thats fine, it is Monday and even worse its January. So without further delay, here are some things that may have slid by under your radar last week:

Some things that don't suck:

Free Home Phone, This week I tried to go a little light on the gadgets, but I really could not pass this one up. This is a little (but not cheap) device that you plug into your broadband internet and then run telephone lines from it to your existing phone. Just like that you have two lines, voicemail you can access online, caller ID, international calling, tons of other features...and NO BILL. With everyone above the age of 5 having their own cell phone these days, the utility of the home phone line is diminishing, and the $50 dollars a month stings more and more. Conditions are perfect for something like this to really take off, this gets a huge A+ from me if that means anything to you.

Driverless Cars, GM says that these things could be rolling down a highway near us by the year 2018...awesome, that is as long as they do a better job then current drivers at staying out of the left lane!...because everyone knows that the left lane is for those of us who believe driving is more than getting from point A to B, it is the competitive response and sport involved in the trip.

Are you the man? Show it by opening beer bottles with your bare hands. With no more smoking in bars you have to do something to send the message that you are where its at. But if you are like me, and the most significant callose on your hand is on the inside of your index finger and even that hardly protects you from too much writing, then you are going to rip your hand apart trying to pull off this stunt without this discrete and cool bottle opener ring.

The Ninja Bandit, He is a New York city burglar suspected in 19 recent break ins. I know you are probably thinking that criminals dressed in all black are not a good thing, but this guy apparently "wielded a set of nun chucks" when he was surprised by a homeowner back in September...and that is hilarious.

The Twelve Days of Christmas, To most of the world Christmas is over, but not to those of us at the Dick Pond Athletics Christmas party last night and nothing says Merry Christmas like free bowling and an open bar. But anyways, this past holiday season there was some controversy at an certain Christmas Eve party that I attended when during the singing of the Twelve Days of Christmas I was ready to sing "9 drummers drumming," as instructed by the glass in my hand, while someone else's glass read "9 ladies dancing." Since that time I have lost some sleep over it, but this website has answered all my questions and more...Also on a side note to WLIT, the Twelve days of Christmas doesn't start on November 1st, it actually starts on Christmas and just wrapped up last Sunday.

Some things that do:

Chicago Shrinkage, continuing off of last week's theme of Chicago Shrinkage i.e. Lake Michigan, now its the Sun-Times! In a push to cut costs by $50 million dollars this year, the Sun axed 51 newsroom jobs, and THREE entire northwest side publications. Nobody--not even the personified newspaper in this case--was spared from the chopping block; landing on doorsteps early Wednesday morning a full inch shorter than the day before. So our Great Lake, our second or third favorite newspaper, even the Bears all cut down in recent weeks....Whats next? oh yeah...the Trib's new layout is all set to debut Monday the 14th.

Nothing says New Year like Recession, Nothing says "I told you so" like "I told you so," But for those of you who aren't basking in the glory of your 100% return on Google since I starting preaching Buy in March of 2006...you still have time...I am no Jim Cramer, but in August I starting feeling like bonds, health care, and some old fashion value funds seem like good places to hang out to ride out some rough economic waters ahead...and now the experts finally see the iceberg.

Freakonomics, Also the name of one of my favorite books of all time...but in this case I am referring to the study of Chicagoland prostitution just completed by Steve Levitt, best selling author and Harvard Fellow Economist. The report released is only a preliminary draft but already makes some pretty heavy claims, which unfortunately for some--i.e."Chicago's finest takes its privileges wherever it can"--are backed up with numbers.

HD DVD, Sorry in advance to anyone who dropped nearly $400 dollars on one of these guys during the format war hype. It is pretty much written in stone, Blu-ray won. It has a better picture, it has already been widely distributed via the PlayStation 3 (good move Sony!) and if it that wasn't bad enough Warner Brothers just announced that they are backing blu-ray exclusively. Like I was saying, pack up your HD DVDs with your MiniDisc Player and your Zune...sometimes it is just better to admit when you have been beaten.


Until Next time,
-Chance Kelch

Chance's Weekend Update: 01/06/2008

"If what you have done yesterday still looks big to you, you haven't done much today."

Mikhail Gorbachev

I just moved back into school this week, and I love it. I have a nice daily routine which includes probably an hour or so in the morning reading through Google News and haphazardly clicking around the web before I go to my first class...at noon. So every day I take in all of this information, which other than some random small talk here and there is all wasted. Even Katie typically loses interest in what I am saying after one or two stories, so this past week I decided to start keeping track of some of these things in an email draft. Then at the end of the week send it out to some people who may not have the same luxury as me--at least 4 hours of free time every morning to browse the internet. If you find this at all interesting, email me back and maybe I will keep doing it...otherwise, I could lose interest and do something more constructive with my time. Anyways, here goes:

Some things that don't suck:

Snuz N Luz,How would you like an alarm clock that connects to your bank account via WiFi then when you hit snooze, it donates your actual money to organizations that you hate? ...if this wont get you out of bed nothing will.

ex: Lets Obama had a late night Thursday in Iowa, so this morning when he hit snooze on his alarm clock it donated $10 to the GOP

The Ex , Now when I like something I typically talk about it, and I repeat myself sufficiently that if you know me then you have probably heard about this. It is a very modern looking knife holder. Instead of the standard block of wood, this is essentially a stick figure of a man with knives sticking out of him in various places...if you do not want to click the link, then just stop by my house in a year or two and check it out for yourself.

Fridge Monkey -- in terms of practical application, this one should be at the top of the list. This simple device is a rubber mat with some ridges on it that allows you to stack bottles and cans of varying sizes on their sides without worrying that they will roll all over the place in your fridge. Now you can finally put that shelf which is too short for Corona bottles to good use!

Staple Free Stapler, This thing is so cool. I actually used this in my advisor's office on Thursday to staple about 9 sheets of paper together. Basically it cuts 3/4ths of a small rectangle out of the papers, makes two other small cuts, and weaves the the cut rectangle back through the other two cuts...All with one push...it might not be as permanent and a standard staple, but it seems to hold together well enough in my book bag, even with several pages folded back.

Some things that do:

The ISIS, has been called "the most difficult puzzle ever." If you crack the code, there is even a unique ten-digit serial number on the inside which you can use to register for cash prizes...unfortunately this $200 rubix cube on crack has a flaw...the fancy locking mechanism is magnetic, and while working at The Sharper Image this past winter I found out that with one solid whack a table top, the ball bearing lock is released and the thing comes open easier than a can of soda.

Lake Michigan, Now with Less Water, you heard it here first...the great lake that we all know and love is a full 2 feet shallower than its normal December average! I do not really know why and neither does anyone else...but it cant be good.

Kenyan Athletes Under Attack , After a rigged election, rioting broke out amongst the more than 40 usually peaceful tribes of Kenya's Rift Valley--famous for producing nearly 200 world class runners. The violence rose to new levels this past week when 50 people were locked in a church and burned alive...If that wasn't bad enough, one woman struggled to a window to pass her baby to safety--only to witness her infant thrown back into the flames, more here.

Until Next time...if I have time,
-Chance Kelch