Chance's Weekend Update: 02/25/2008

"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."

George Burns

Wow, it is already Sunday...and now its Monday. Time is really starting to fly...There was a lot going on in this past week I hope that I captured a decent amount of it for you, but with paper due dates hanging over my head I have got to run. Happy Monday:

Some things that don't suck:

How do you turn Google Green? Make it Black. Interestingly enough, changing the primary background color of Google.com from white to black can save roughly 750 Megawatt Hours a year! I guess that it takes significantly less power for our monitors to make the screen black, and when you multiply that out over the 200 million hits that Google gets a day...it adds up to a substantial amount of power...so in the spirit of Al Gore, somebody started a website powered by Google Custom Search and named it Blackle

V for Visa, at a date not yet disclosed, the major credit card company is going public on the New York Stock Exchange and will be listed under the ticket "V". Visa is clearly hoping to mimic or surpass the recent success of Mastercard -- their overshadowed rival -- which is now trading at nearly 5 times its IPO from two years ago. Based on the fact that Visa is the mark of the beast, you should probably buy this stock...especially with a reccession

Jerry Seinfeld is coming back to Chicago! April 11-12 should be pretty exciting given that one of the funniest guys on the planet will be doing stand up comedy downtown. Very Cool.

World Series and the White House, There are two things that are probably going to happen by this year...The Cubs will be winning the World Series, and Barack Obama will win the popular vote...So why not save some time and show your shared / blended support with one of these sweet shirt. In a related idea, maybe Hilary Clinton should throw out the opening pitch at U.S. Cellular, she is getting pretty good at losing...

More World Series News, If you want to see the future World Champs play this season, Cubs tickets go on sale Friday Morning at 10 am. There are three - equally unlikely- ways of getting all the tickets you want. Going online, calling in, waiting in line at the box office. The internet is probably your best bet, but you are going to want to follow the link provided and set up your account in advance. Good Luck!

Sam Zell, This is the second time that Mr. Zell has made my update. (First being when he lifted the internet filters from all of the tribute companies) This link is to a video where same delivers a pretty long winded speech about "the future" to the Tribune staff, and it is awesome. He has pretty much stepped in and blown their minds by making decisions, cutting through bureaucracy, and best of all he fired an executive who makes over a million dollars a year because the guy didn't like how nobody told him what to do anymore. I love it. Why all the hype? In case you haven't noticed, there is a serious money crunch in the newspaper business these days--and Chicago unfortunately is not interested enough to support two major newspapers -- especially when you can read them free online. Within the next 18 months or so we could be a one paper town, so who is it going to be? The suburban power house tabloid Sun Times, or the classic Tribune--now headed by billionaire Sam Zell...I am leaning Trib, but maybe all of these people being fired actually used to do something...hmmm.....

Like kicking some ass playing video games? how about getting your ass kicked while playing your video games? This vest really adds a dimension beyond surround sound. It is outfitted with "active zones" that simulate the forces of bullets and explosions --to throw you right into the game. Interesting...

Some things that do:

Sharing property with a criminal when you are trying to win a presidential election, Come on Obama....it was never any secret that Governor Blagojevich is an idiot, so it came as no surprise that he is as connected to the mob and Rezko as all of the other Chicago politicians. On one hand, you don't take campaign contributions from political interest groups...but on the other hand YOU BOUGHT A HOUSE with Tony Rezko (and paid $300,000 less than the asking price)

Being 0-29, "New Jersey Institute of Technology coach Jim Casciano had seen this all before. In fact, he had to watch it more than any other Division I coach in history"....Ouch. After setting the NCAA record for most single season losses, Coach Casciano turned in his resignation. *They were also the only NCAA basketball program to have more turnovers than field goals, which is probably a more embarrassing statistic than their 33 game losing streak. At least they have got a great opportunity for improvement.

Another nail in the HD DVD coffin, Less than a week after the format's primary supporter (Toshiba) announced that they will no longer be producing HD DVD drives, Microsoft jumped in on the hate parade and will no longer be selling the HD DVD upgrade for the XBOX 360...Bluray is looking better by the week, and again I am sorry for all of you who rushed out and refurbished your movie in high definition....and chose the wrong format.

Space Weapons, I know that I wrote about that satellite that was potentially going to hit Earth...but with all of these rumors flying around about how it was probably just a cover to test out new missile technology I am getting an uneasy feeling that something is going on that we don't know about yet. Maybe all of this lunar eclipse business is some kind of cover too....what was really going on during those two hours that we couldn't see the moon?


Until Next time,
-Chance Kelch

Chance's Weekend Update: 02/17/2008

"Let not him who is houseless pull down the house of another, but let him work diligently and build one for himself, thus by example assuring that his own shall be safe from violence when built."

Abraham Lincoln

This was a hard week. In the past couple of years all of the school shootings which have happened across the country have all been terrible tragedies--but for our sake, or at least mine; they have been fairly abstract events because of their proximity. This past Thursday changed that, and at the same time changed the lives of thousands of other people. It is tough to find words to console those most affected by the tragic events of last week, but that is perfect. When someone is grieving the loss of a friend they don't always need a pep talk or timely advice. All they really want is a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen and be patient, maybe even someone to yell at for awhile. Be that person if you can be, and time will take care of everything else.

Some things that don't suck:

I love PB&J and so does the environment. Eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead of going out to lunch will slow global warming, save water, and conserve land. If you don't buy it, the guys over at the PB&J Campaign have the stats to back it up.

You heard what?, This blog was set up for all of those times when you heard people say funny things--whether out of context or not. If there is nobody around that you know, just rush to the nearest computer and share your eavesdropping with the rest of us.

Dear Mom, click here. The Eggcorn Database is a website for all of the people who read the previous sentence and thought to themselves that I probably meant "ease dropping" -- which I didn't. The web site's namesake was a slip up by Mark Liberman where he said "Eggcorn" in place of "acorn", it wasn't long before Eggcorn became the official name for these kind of mistakes.

Scube Car, This is so cool. A little pricey and definitely impractical...and it does make those window breaker key chains obsolete...but still awesome.

The Titanic Conspiracy, is hilarious. The video pokes fun at all of the 9/11 conspiracy videos on the internet, and best of all it comes from one of my favorite websites one the internet. I first heard about Maddox back in high school, and have been laughing at his stuff ever since.

Making a Valentine's Day card out of a little over 3000 1x1 Legos. Thanks to Brian at BrickWorkz.com for helping me track down all of the colors of Legos that I needed for my design.


Until Next time,
-Chance Kelch

Chance's Weekend Update: 02/10/2008

"If you tell the truth, make them laugh, or they'll kill you."

George Bernard Shaw

Overall this past week was a pretty good one. I had heard a weather stat that for the Month of February up through this last Friday morning we have only had 11 minutes of sunshine...then pretty much immediately after I heard that the sun came out for the rest of the day and pretty much kept on shining up to the point that the temperature plummeted back down to the now normal subzero range. Anyways, I would love to chat, but I have some real homework to wrap up...so Happy Monday, and enjoy the update.

Some things that don't suck:

Writer's Strike Over!!!, Finally the funny people on TV wont have to work so hard to be funny anymore, their writers will be back in the office by Wednesday to do their work for them. AND...all of our favorite TV shows will be back to full strength, so we can stop watching all of this reality junk.

Cockroaches and The GameBoy are apparently the only things that will survive a nuclear fallout according to this CNET review of the most robust gadgets ever developed. To add a personal anecdote to this, just months after I got my GAME BOY for Christmas, my little sister "accidentally" dropped it into a pan of hot oil that we were literally using to make fried bread dough--and the only trace of the incident is the label on the battery cover being slightly melted. As recently as this past fall my GameBoy is still working like the day I got it...unlike my cell phone which has a battery which needs "trained" to reach its full charge potential.


Buying a car without getting screwed is something that I have been thinking about since I started running with a car salesman a couple of year ago--who loves to talk about how bad he screws people. This video offers some useful strategy tips to shake their game up, and hopefully leave us with a great deal on a new ride.

Free Money (more like a graduation present from Congress) If you haven't heard yet, in hopes of holding off or shortening the upcoming recession, Congress passed an "economic stimulus plan" which is a check for $600 ($1200 for married couples) who had an AGI under $75,000 (combined $150,000). This one has been up for debate for some time, but after all of the recent democratic momentum in the polls, republican opposition all of a sudden had a change of heart--maybe a couple of billion dollars is enough to buy a few votes. This move could be a little late as checks aren't expected to hit the post office until May...but I am not complaining, there is nothing I like more than surprise checks in the mail.

Shakespeare bust with hidden switch. This is definitely one of the coolest things that I have EVER come across. The only thing cooler than having this in your house would be if it actually spun the fireplace around to give you access to the Bat Cave, just like it does for Bruce Wayne.

Motor-less Submarine still going, (for nearly 2 months now) by repeatedly sinking to cool off and then surfacing to heat up, this sub uses the roughly 40 degree difference in water temperature between the surface and the depths of the ocean to generate its energy. A device like this is silent and a perfect housing for sensitive scientific instruments used to study the ocean.

An Art Heist, Just like the Ninja Bandit a couple of weeks ago--I do not support crime--but I think this one could be Ocean's 14 or something sweet like that...But seriously, I really didn't think that things like this really happened anymore with all the technology guarding this stuff. But I guess instead of being sneaky about it, these guys just walked right in with a gun and walked out with an estimated $163 million dollars worth of art. Not bad for an afternoon's work. I am sure that the security guard who lost his job to a couple of cameras and a laser pointer is getting the last laugh now...

Some things that do:

I lost my cell phone. That pretty much tops my list, so if you need to get in touch with me email is pretty much the only option unless you leave a message with my secretary...Katie.

No more Polariods, It is a sad day in the world of instant photography. Even though the Polaroid company stopped making their cameras over a year ago and nobody noticed...it is still somewhat unsettling that they will no longer be producing their instant film. We are entering a new era...gone are the days when you can snap a picture with friends and view it moments later....wait never mind, we all have digital cameras--sorry Polaroid.

UnderArmour Shoes, if you missed the "hitleresque" Super Bowl commercial for these sure to be piece-of-garbage-shoes...don't worry, all you are missing is the sneak peak at what nearly every freshman in high school will be begging for next fall. Very similar to the phenomenon where these high school kids regularly pass by the more reasonable priced and longer lasting Nike Pro long sleeves for the standard "under armour."

Being thrown over 300 ft by a tornado and living to tell about would be crazy...especially for an 11-month old baby! While searching a town torn apart by a tornado this past week, a firefighter thought he was just passing a baby doll...and then it moved. Kyson Stowell was a little cold and had a minor cut, but other than that was completely unharmed. This certainly isn't a positive story though, 56 people were killed in the storm, including the infants mother.

DeBeers, Famous for coining the phrase "A Diamond is Forever"...and for buying up nearly every one of these shiny rocks that comes out of the ground, holding them in storage, and then driving the price through the roof with the artificial scarcity they created--has finally gotten itself into trouble. If you have made any type of diamond purchase in the past 14 years or so, follow this link to register and you could get your share of the 165 Million dollar settlement.


Until Next time,
-Chance Kelch

Chance's Weekend Update: 02/03/2008

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."

Walt Disney (and the NY Giants)

This past week is one for the record books. North Central College canceled classes on Friday due to heavy snowfall and the library was overwhelmed with students trying to catch up on their studies...
...Well, we did really have a snow day, and that was pretty cool. I even saw Juno--nominated for 4 academy awards!--and that was awesome. Pretty fair deal too: Movie for two + Med. Popcorn + Med. Dr.Pepper + Large Blue Icee = $35...in future news, I think I want to start a movie theater. Also, I apologize for the "late edition" of my weekend update, after slipping around in the snow all week and watching the super bowl all evening I felt more tired and beat up than Tom Brady. Anyways, there were some exciting things that happened in the week that was:

Some things that don't suck:

Shameless Self-Promotion, thats right--the rumors sweeping the nation are true--once I mail my newsletters out, Google automatically posts them to my Chance's Weekend Update blog...where you can leave comments, browse the archives, or even search by topic. While I am on the subject of me, here is an interview that I did recently for our team website, click.

GARMIN!!!, One of my predictions for the 2008 was that the next generation of the iPhone would be loaded with GPS. Instead of rolling over and dying--letting portable GPS units become obsolete--Garmin just unveiled its own phone...with almost all of the features of the iPhone PLUS a sweet GPS system.

Jake and Amir, have branched out from their work at collegehumor.com to start their own comedy website...and it is HILARIOUS. It is kind of like the office, only more awkward. I actually would have mailed this newsletter out earlier if I hadn't spent all morning watching their videos.

McChampions, Nothing...let me repeat that...Nothing is better than a sausage/egg McMuffin in the morning. It took a couple of years, but finally Starbucks got the memo that their breakfast sandwich was terrible and they promptly removed it from their menu. But for all of you coffee enthusiasts out there who need a little breakfast with your 900 calorie machiatto, remember: McDonald's is still everywhere.

A Nude supermodel is apparently more enticing to the Patriots than a Super Bowl Championship...or was it that Gisele was enough of a catalyst for Eli Manning to start playing with some gumption? Either way, I'll be with the rest of the country patiently waiting at Youtube for this to all go down.

Lego may be 50 years old, but unlike Tom Petty (58)--they still rock. Recently I have been spending a lot of time looking at cool Lego Art on the internet, mostly because it is awesome, but also because the last major Lego project that I worked on was a green dinosaur that I never finished--and that left a bad taste in my mouth. My dad even stepped in and worked on one of the legs, the thing was just too big and too damn boring for an 8 year old to stay focused on. But now that I am 22, I have had to endure much more boring crap than a Lego dinosaur...so I think I am ready for my next challenge...

Fedex Commercial, This was definitely my favorite super bowl commercial...honorable mentions include: The Budweiser Clydesdale one, and the Will Ferrell line about how much sweat goes into each bottle beer "but not literally because that would be gross"

Some things that do:

Getting hit by a satellite, I don't know how I missed this one, but I sure hope it misses me. After morning run at breakfast I was told that there is a satellite careening towards Earth and it is probably going to make it through the atmosphere and there is a decent enough chance that it will hit land. On top of that--this is no Sputnik--the thing is huge, so heads up.

Branding yourself, I have had some bad ideas, but touching a red hot piece of iron to flesh has never come to mind. If you do not have time to watch the video...it is amazing how quickly that thing welted up and got nasty, haha. Do not try this at home, or anywhere really.

We're Rich, apparently having a net worth of $2,200 makes your more wealthy than 50% of the world, sweet...wait, crap...I think student loans might pull me into the bottom half of the planet (I just moved this down to "things that suck"). Oh well, here is another depressing stat: "The three richest people in the world –- Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates, investor Warren Buffett and Mexican telecom mogul Carlos Slim Helú -- have more money than the poorest 48 nations combined."

Last week I let you all know how I feel about January, but so far February isn't looking much better. But to help beat the elements, check these handy gadgets out. The Wallet Scraper, is about the size of a credit card and is perfect in case you are running late for your "double secret sorority meeting" and need to get that ice off the window. The next one is obviously straight from Japan: The Snow Eater, is a robot that looks like a Pokemon and literally eats snow, compacts it, and "poops" out huge blocks of ice that it stacks on its back.

Pot Machine, We all remember the good ole days when you could drop a quarter into the Marlboro machine and get a pack when we felt that nicotine itch--wait actually 90% of the people who read this were hardly out of the crib when cigarette vending machines were made illegal, so we don't remember. To refresh everyone's memory though, California--the state of bright ideas like celebrities in Government and Scientology--has allowed vending machines to ease the distribution of "medical marijuana". Genius.

Craigslist used to be a safe haven for stupid lonely people...but not anymore, apparently you can't place adds for a hitman
or a Super bowl Prostitute, without the police getting involved. With "Big Brother" on our backs, how are we ever supposed to get anyone killed or have fun? What is the internet coming to?


Until Next time,
-Chance Kelch