"chance! please tell your people that this doesn't suck: http://www.lakeshoretheater.com/buytickets.aspx?eventID=283096"-Mike Birbiglia, an awesome comedian, in an email acknowleding my weekend update as a legitmate avenue for marketing (this email was from this summer and that event already happened, but Mike is still super funny)
I know that it isn't the weekend, and I can only assume that you weren't expecting an update but despirate times call for despirate measures. In the time since my last update hit your inbox, the Dow has skid 3251 points (27.4%), the Cubs completely dropped the ball, Somolian pirates have all but taken over the world, and Kennedy has beat me in two races. I am not writing to make excuses, I am writing to make things happen--and hopefully save the world.
Some things that don't suck:
Hawaii to build a network of battery charging stations to support all electric cars. I have jumped on the green parade just as much as the next guy, and I think it is awesome that an entire state is willing to try out something like that--but as I read on my Uncle's comments about coal still having the energy market cornered creeped into my head (Electricity is generated mostly from burning coal...so being electric isn't always better for the environment)...but luckily one of the people who commented on the article beat me to the punch referencing another article where the CEO of Better Place L.L.C. explains that this whole charging network is to be powered by solar panels and wind turbines...100% renewable energy and 100% awesome.
Some things that don't suck:
Hawaii to build a network of battery charging stations to support all electric cars. I have jumped on the green parade just as much as the next guy, and I think it is awesome that an entire state is willing to try out something like that--but as I read on my Uncle's comments about coal still having the energy market cornered creeped into my head (Electricity is generated mostly from burning coal...so being electric isn't always better for the environment)...but luckily one of the people who commented on the article beat me to the punch referencing another article where the CEO of Better Place L.L.C. explains that this whole charging network is to be powered by solar panels and wind turbines...100% renewable energy and 100% awesome.
A reporter stole the Empire State Building and it only took 90 Minutes...This article was kind of like the movie 'Blow'....the first half I was like "Wow, I totally want to do that..." and then by the end I was like, "hmmm....I guess breaking the law does have consequences"...criminal activity aside, the article does open your eyes up to our vulnerability.
A cruise ship outran the Pirates! To be totally honest here...I love this whole pirate thing. Times are tough, so a gang of guys with speed boats and guns have hijacked boats carrying everything from TANKS to 150 Million dollars worth of oil. This week one of em finally got away, but maybe taking a cruise ship full of hostages would have pushed our endearing pirates a little further from Jonny Depp and a little closer to Osama Bin Laden on the spectrum of public opinion...
The meanest Nerf gun ever, After all of this reading about pirates and all of this awful weather I starting to think about moving to a warmer climate...and more specifically what I would do there. The two first things to come to mind were Pirate Hunting (because I bet that with some goverment bailout money I could buy a faster boats and bigger guns than the starving Somolians), and Privateering. I am holding out that we will not only accept, but endorse the pirate craze sweeping the world--then the next step would surely be Government funded pirating, and there is nothing better than a Government job in a recession. Oh yeah, while searching for pirate hunting guns I found this nerf toy. Merry Christmas.
You can teach your fish tricks, You can't have a dog at most appartments or when you live in your parent's house with your girlfriend...and cats go to the bathroom inside...so screw 'em, now your fish can do everything your dog could and more...and it'll only cost you $40 bucks to learn how. (I just noticed that this website also has that sweet nerf gun from above--but I promise I didnt find it here)
I have VA and you should too, Virtual Assistants are like Tamagotchis for adults...and pretty soon everyone is gunna have one. You can find them all over the internet--but more often than not they are from Bangalore, have at least a bachelors degree, and would love to send emails to your friends or do some of your work for only a couple dollars an hour. If you are curious about the quality of their english, I will have Lalitha send you an email...seriously, say the word.
Some things that do:
Grammy Nomination Show, I am a little biased because I have never been a fan of award shows to begin with...but seriously, a full hour of award nominations--that they will read off again at the actual award show--kept me waiting an extra 60 minutes for the Victoria Secret Fashion Show (which is distracting me from doing this).
Durban wants Gov. Ryan Pardoned...this is a load of crap, 4 out of the last 5 Illinois Governors have faced federal investigation upon leaving office...Blago has his ticket punched to be the 6th (Thanks to the lady that spoke at my graduation). We finally have one in jail that really diserves it and people want to let him out. George Ryan is in jail because he was in a position of great trust and he broke the law repeatedly (see: Racketeering, Fraud, Corruption). Not only should he stay in jail, his wife should submit an appology to all the readers of the Chicago Sun Times for reading that garbage article pleading for her husband's release--being old is no defense but here is her try:
George Ryan is 74 years old. He has lost his state pension benefits and a commutation will not restore them. He would emerge from prison facing economic uncertainty at an advanced stage of his life.
hmmm...economic uncertainty at an advanced stage of life, sucks to be just like all the other mortals doesn't it?
It is 11:26 pm and since graduating college my new bed time is 10:15. I wish it was last year.
Until Next time,
-Chance Kelch
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